The Key to Ending Suffering: How to heal anxiety, depression and suffering naturally | Ep. 075

Episode Transcript

Blake: 0:00

you're choosing not to be a victim. You're choosing to be with your breath and your body. You're choosing not to entertain these destructive thought patterns by coming back to the breathing and the body. And then once you get good at that, the next step is understanding that you have a superpower

Codie: 0:32

Welcome to the Mind Hack podcast, where today we're exploring the intricacies of human connection, success, and personal growth. I'm your host, Cody McLain, an entrepreneur with a passion for uncovering the secrets of living a fulfilling and successful life. Through my journey of managing multimillion dollar enterprises, I've discovered that true success is it much more about financial achievement. It's really about mastering the mind and creating a life of purpose. Our guest today is Blake D. Bauer, a world renowned mental, emotional, and physical health expert, and the international bestselling author of You were not born to suffer. With a background in psychology, traditional Chinese medicine and mindfulness, Blake has transformed the lives of over 100,000 people by teaching them how to overcome fear, insecurity, and depression. His work is grounded both in personal experience, having overcome deep suffering and addiction and professional success in helping others break free from their pain, and discover their true potential. Blake's journey from hitting rock bottom to becoming a sought after teacher and speaker is nothing short of extraordinary. Today he's here to share his insights and practical advice on how to cultivate self-love, achieve emotional healing, and live a life of confidence and peace. Blake, welcome to the podcast.

Blake: 1:58

Hi, Cody. Thank you. I'm honored to be here.

Codie: 2:00

Now Blake, you've said that suffering stems from not learning how to truly love and value ourselves. Given your personal journey from rock bottom to helping thousands around the world, what was this pivotal moment that made you realize self-love was the key to overcoming fear, depression, and even addiction.

Blake: 2:20

thanks, Cody. That is obviously a, a loaded question and I would say it was a lot bigger than one moment. there was a process that led to some moments of clarity, and the bigger picture was that I had developed a very self-destructive and toxic relationship to myself because I never learned how to take care of my mind. I never learned how to express my emotions in a healthy way. I never learned very healthy physical habits. And so for a number of years, I, you know, didn't eat well. I had negative self-talk that was very damaging. I repressed my emotions and my needs, and then I used food, alcohol, drugs, all kinds of things to numb out and run from myself and from my pain and from my inner truths. And. That led to a lot of self-destructive situations where I really sabotaged the things that mattered to me and brought myself a lot of, pain and suffering and shame in my community, and made a lot of, you know, bad decisions that resulted in, a lot of damage to myself and even my reputation at a young age. And then that initiated my healing journey. And in my search for healing, I was trying to find freedom from my suffering. I was trying to understand the purpose of life. I was trying to understand how do I, you know, survive and thrive and make a living in our crazy. A capitalistic consumer western culture and not sell my soul. And, eventually after going to five different universities and studying all different kinds of spiritual practices and studying with all kinds of healers and, gurus and, alternative practitioners and traditional practitioners, I realized that in my, search for purpose and healing, I was really looking for love and learning how to love myself, or in other words, create an optimal, healthy relationship to my mind, my heart, and my body, which I never learned in childhood. And then I look, began to look around with this clarity and realize that pretty much nobody learns how to love themselves or have a healthy, optimal relationship to themselves growing up. And I could see from my studies in science and then all these different alternative and traditional medicines that most forms of disease, so physical illness and then psychological and emotional illness and imbalance grow in the body over time as a result of us having such an unhealthy, lacking of love relationship to the self.

Codie: 5:10

So it seems that this is something that, that frankly they don't teach in schools is that aspect of self-love. And it seems a lot of people go through their entire lives feeling that they need to hate or despise certain components of themselves as a means of pushing themselves to do the hard things. And so you've discovered as, many others have discovered now, that that's really not the way we should be going about it. So how might somebody even have the first step of being able to identify that they even are living in a negative mindset?

Blake: 5:47

Well, I think that. Life brings us wake up calls in all different forms. So your wake up call could be a physical illness, it could be depression. You could have a car accident. You could get fired from your job, you could lose all your money. The person you're in a relationship with could cheat on you or leave you, or you could cheat on them. So something happens where you feel like you've blown up your life or your reality has been blown up and you didn't see it coming. And so the question is, how did I get. And so I like to start with framing for This mindset of most of our suffering is a cry from our body, our soul, our subconscious, and from life asking us to bring more love into our relationship to ourself. So it's all a cry. Asking us to love and value ourselves more deeply. So the first thing is, I think checking your mindset and using it to interpret your experience in the present in a way that serves you and also puts you in the driver's seat.'cause when you say, what is this teaching me about loving myself and valuing myself right now? What's the lesson? Then you can find the lesson and work on it and move forward. Instead of being in a mindset of Why me? Poor me, I'm a victim, I'm helpless. And even if you feel that way, you're not. And so I would start to look around your immediate life in the situations that are present, and then think to myself, what could this be teaching me about developing a healthier relationship to myself? What could this be teaching me about honoring myself, valuing myself, sticking up for myself, being true to myself, going and figuring out these lessons around self-love and self care and integrity, that maybe nobody ever. Taught me. So I think the first thing is perspective and mindset. And then, you know, you can stop me at any point. But with my body of work now, I have identified habits that I believe are laws that govern an optimal relationship to yourself. And so basically from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed, you're either hurting yourself with your thoughts and your habits, or you're taking care of yourself and loving yourself with your thoughts and your habits. We make it really complicated, but it doesn't have to be that complicated. And so one of those habits is am I taking care of my mind on a daily basis? And most people have never learned how to take care of their mind. And for me, when I was 18 and I was suicidal and I had no idea what the purpose of life was or the purpose of my life, and I was in pain and wanting to heal, but having no idea how to do so, learning how to meditate and train my mind, save my life. And that's why today, over 20 years later, I teach that to so many people around the world because most of us identify with the voices in our head and our thoughts. And so this would be the second thing. So first thing, mindset and perspective. Second thing is I need to learn how to take care of my mind. And with that comes, I need to also understand I am not my thoughts. I am not the voices in my head and I don't need to believe everything. I think because if you analyze and anybody listening analyzes, how many times have you changed your mind about something or someone that you were so certain you were right about? But then through experience, through heartbreak, through just time, you realize that maybe that wasn't, my thinking about this situation wasn't accurate. So I think for me, when I realized that I'm not my thoughts. I'm not the voices in my head and I don't need to believe everything. I think it was very empowering. And then that created this window or this door to my deeper, bigger, truer self, which was the awareness behind the thoughts, the consciousness behind the thoughts and the love behind the thoughts. You know, you and I talked a little bit before we started recording about the idea of most of us looking for love outside of ourselves and looking for validation outside of yourselves. And once we stop believing everything we think, and once we stop believing we are our thoughts and the voices in our head, and we get in touch with our essence, the self, the soul, the spirit, the energy, the consciousness, deep inside you, underneath your thoughts. Even underneath your emotions, we find that our essence is this infinite source of pure love that doesn't need it to hurt itself to be loved. And so that awareness, that understanding can help someone listening to stop looking outside of themselves and stop. I like the metaphor of a, a bird that keeps flying into a window and it doesn't see the glass window and it just is blooding itself and hurting itself on the window.'cause it just keeps flying into it and it doesn't see it. And when we are seeking love and validation and approval and acceptance and permission outside of ourselves in a friend, in a partner, in our parents, in society, in our boss, we're just gonna keep hurting ourselves. And so eventually you have to realize I have to get to this point where I say, you know what? Enough is enough. I have to put an end to my pattern of self harm. And thank God there's a way to do it.

Codie: 11:16

and when you were speaking about the fact that we should be able to detach the negative thoughts from the person, the individual that we actually are reminds me of Power Of Now by, Eckhart Tolle and, Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, which was the book that really opened up my mind as to the fact that I may think a certain thing, but I don't have to identify with that thought. And oftentimes because we are humans. Is that we are biologically programmed to look for the negative. That's of course why all the news is mostly negative because we tend to be, have put our attention towards that, and we have to actively train ourselves to find the gratitude. That's why we have the hedonic treadmill. We're never satisfied with what we have. And so as you say, it's really partly being able to disassociate with the thoughts that you have and the person that you are not to throw out the thoughts that you have altogether. But as I've come to learn in my own kind of awareness and journey is, to be curious and question those thoughts. And certainly as you say, meditation is really one of those, methods of. creating that level of awareness that you need to be able to even identify that you are even having negative thoughts in the first place. I think often it's really somebody speaking to a therapist that is then able to, reflect back on them that they have a negative mindset around something like that. So what advice do you give in terms of, we, we've covered meditation a lot on this podcast, but what are some more definitive habits that people might try to undertake as like a starting ground? And what are any of the philosophies that you subscribe to that allow us to have a mindset of more self-compassion and love? Like, do you follow CBT, or, family systems or any other models?

Blake: 13:13

Thank you. so I don't know if you ever share links on your podcast, um, episode page, but I'd be happy. I have a, it's about a 15 minute meditation that I give to all my clients and people who come to my retreats, so I'd be happy to give that to the listeners. And to me, the secret is to sit down and learn to practice meditation first thing in the morning. we often don't realize that when we wake up All of our thinking processes kick into place, and for a lot of us, they're very unconscious. But what we don't realize is that they are generating our experience that we're about to have throughout the day. So basically the thoughts you think in the morning are literally creating and shaping your reality and the day you're about to have. And also when you wake up and you're stressed out and you're worried and you're thinking about the 10 Different things that you have to do and you're stressed out just with your own mind. You're creating this cortisol cascade throughout your body where you're starting to pump toxic hormones throughout your system that are putting you in a fight or flight state before you've even brushed your teeth. So typically, right, there's not like a tiger or a grizzly bear in your bedroom that you need to wake up and be so scared. But most of us wake up with a lot of anxiety, a lot of fear, a lot of stress, and then we don't realize that we're pumping disease, causing hormones and biochemistry into our system within the first 30 minutes of waking up. And so that's why. Working with your mind first thing in the morning. I teach to be one of the most effective and most important strategies that you could adopt. Like if you are stuck and you really want to change, you have to start practicing meditation first thing in the morning because you're addicted to thinking, feeling, and behaving the way that you do. So if you don't make the shift first thing in the morning, you're just gonna continue to generate and create the same situations and experiences that you have been so that that morning time is so important. And so I counsel people to do this before coffee, before breakfast, before showering. So literally first thing in the morning so you can stop the negative thought patterns and learn to slow them down. I'm sure you know the metaphor of our mind being like a wild horse. And for most of us, when you wake up, the mind is not just one wild horse for most people. And for me, it's like being at the racetrack, right? You wake up and you've got 12 race horses that are out of the gate, and typically they're going in different directions and, they're literally pulling you by a rope, spreading you thin in every direction. And until you can sit up in the morning or even laying down, I, you know, will give my clients permission to do this. Laying down until you do this first thing in the morning and you train those horses to say, you know what, I am not gonna chase you. you can go run, but I'm gonna sit here. With my breathing and my body, not with my thoughts. I'm gonna keep coming back to my breathing and my body. Then you're starting to say, you know what? I'm the boss of this situation. You're starting to take ownership and take, the first steps towards self-mastery so that you're not the victim of your negative thinking or your unhealthy thought patterns. So meditation first thing in the morning, and Cody will put a link to this in the, the episode notes so everybody has it. And I have found that until you do this, and I'm pretty blunt about this, until you do this, there's always gonna remain an aspect of your identity and your psyche that feels like a victim. So if you don't go to the core of your mind and train your mind where your thoughts bubble up from where they begin to take form. And then in the morning in particular,'cause that's where it all begins. You come outta sleep. Some people dream a lot, some people don't. But the subconscious is very active and then the subconscious is bubbling up, and then your conscious mind starts to dance with your unconscious mind to some degree. And if you don't bring that conscious mind more into the dance, then you're always gonna feel like the victim of your genetics, your environment, your habits. You're gonna feel like there's this inertia that you can't do anything about. But by sitting and meditating in the morning, you are saying, I'm gonna take a hundred percent responsibility for my state of consciousness, my state of health, my life, and for the changes and desires, the dreams, the things I want. So if you don't do this in the morning, there's gonna always be a part of you that feels powerless, helpless, and like a victim. So eventually everybody has to do this if they want to self-actualize and realize their full potential. Now, the meditation technique that I teach to. The majority of the people I work with after studying, I've studied Buddhism, Zen, Taoism, transcendental meditation, all kinds of shamanic meditations, energy medicine, meditations from yoga practices to Tai chi and Qigong practices to Native American practices. So I have a very extensive background in meditative practices, and I teach the same form of meditation that the Buddha taught thousands of years ago because that technique in particular seems to be the most effective, direct, practical technology and tool there is to face your thoughts and face your mind head on. So there's no music, there's no visualization, there's no mantra. There's no, fancy, you know, visualizing your chakras or angels, et cetera. It's literally facing your mind and the origin of your thinking. And it's very confronting and it can be very challenging, but anybody can do it. And it's just like riding a bike. the guided meditation is the training wheels. So you have some support from a teacher, and then once you get the hang of it, you turn off the video, you turn off the audio, and you wake up in the morning and you do it yourself, and you learn to train your mind on your own. You ride that bike on your own. And so the technique itself is very simple, but it's very challenging. And it is, you sit with your eyes closed and you, bring your attention to your body and your breathing. And so the intention is to. Keep focusing on your breathing and keep focusing on your body. And practically speaking, if you are focusing on your breathing and your body, it's hard for your attention and your energy to be focused on your thoughts in your head, right? So in the present moment, you're sitting in your bed, your chair, your couch, wherever you are. And what's really going on is you're either aware of your breathing, your body in the present moment, your environment, or you're in your head and you're lost in some neural network, some part of your brain where you're thinking about the illusion of the future 'cause it's not real. Or you're thinking about the illusion of the past and that's not real. And you're doing all of that, I believe, to avoid the present moment because the present moment doesn't feel good because you never learned how to love yourself in the present moment. And so instead, we all play this sick game that I have to be more, do more and have more, which means I'll love myself if and when. I'll be at peace if and when. So I'm in my head creating these conditions that I need to get to this place in the future where I have more money, I have more titles, I have more material things, I lose weight. I look different, I feel different. This guy likes me, this girl likes me, everybody likes me. And then in that delusion in my head of the future, I will then be good to myself. I will then relax. I will then love myself. And to me it's all a sick game because we never learned how to treat ourselves well in the present.

Codie: 21:16

the eternal lie that we always tell ourselves, with this meditation, I often just count my breaths as I go up to 10 and then go down to one. Is that also like training wheels? Should I aim to be at a place where I meditate without even having to count, because that's, Hmm.

Blake: 21:34

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So that's what I'll tell people.'cause some people are so, their mind is so active. So the tool, the part of the technique I didn't mention is when you notice that you're lost in thought, you say to yourself the word thinking and thinking is your cue. So it doesn't matter. You could be thinking about dinner, you could be about thinking about the person who cuts you off. You could be thinking about the person who broke you, heart and betrayed you. You could think, you be thinking about childhood trauma, you could be thinking about the business you're about to create. So you could be thinking about anything. And in that category is also, you could be thinking, I'm a bad meditator. I'm doing this wrong. I'm never gonna figure this out. All of that is just thinking. It doesn't matter what the nature of the thinking is, and it doesn't even matter if you believe the thinking. You just say thinking. And when you say thinking, that is your cue to just bring your attention back to the breath. So feel the breath come in. Feel the breath go out, feel your body sitting on your chair or your couch or your floor or wherever you are, your bed. And every time you say thinking and every time you choose to come back to your breathing and your body, it's just like being in the gym and doing a rep for your bicep, your biceps or your chest or your butt, your glutes. It's like if you wanna build the muscle, you gotta do the reps, right? So every time you say thinking and you come back to your breathing, your body, every time you choose to focus on your breathing, your body, instead of just being lost in these thoughts, you're building these, this muscle with which is this capacity to be in the present and. To eventually choose the direction of your energy, your consciousness, and your thinking. So you're choosing not to be a victim. You're choosing to be with your breath and your body. You're choosing not to entertain these destructive thought patterns by coming back to the breathing and the body. And then once you get good at that, the next step is understanding that you have a superpower, which is we can actually choose our thoughts. So when I say that for people who feel just consumed by these voices in their head, and I say, you can choose your thoughts, that seems like Mandarin and you've never studied Mandarin Chinese, right? But eventually you can get to a place where you can actually choose your thoughts. Like, I'm gonna think this because it serves me. This thinking, this mindset I see has the most value to set me free.. Create the relationships I want the business, I want the body, I want, the life I want. And so you can literally choose from a menu the thoughts that serve your goals and your sense of purpose and destiny. But to do that, you have to learn to focus on your breathing and your body first and get really good at it.

Codie: 24:22

Yeah, so I don't think we can necessarily choose the thoughts, but we can have the awareness as to what thoughts we give our attention towards, since there's always a, a disconnect between our subconscious and our conscious mind. But I'm really curious about the connect between meditation because. I've been meditating for a really long time, and I know a lot of other people have been doing it as well. And when you're in that moment where you're just having a shitty day or you're, you're angry at something or you're, sad about something and you feel depressed, then you just want to gorge and snack and you just feel terrible, you know, you're gonna feel terrible. And even as somebody who is a constant meditator like these cycles can still come up. And I actually have two. Questions here, actually, one is that I have a theory, I haven't actually researched this, but I've always wondered about, you know, you go and you do a meditation retreat, which I've done, I think I've done a two day retreat. I haven't done the seven day or plus. But is that really the, they want you or It depends on where you go, right? Is that, uh, you should sit up straight, not have any support, and then within not even five minutes, you know, it's like, my, my back hurts. And you just don't want to do it. You can't really focus and, you end up having to endure a lot of pain. And so my first question is, I wonder is there, a connection between say the idea of, meditating consistently in a way and say it like a position where you actually. Are in pain to have to keep your backup straight. Because I wonder if I were to meditate every day in a way where I'm not giving myself support, I'm meditating in a position that is hard to keep and mentally I have to focus on that, does that give me more energy, more resources, more awareness if I am in a negative emotional state? Because, so let lemme back up. Is that where I'm going with this? Is that I think it's, when you meditate regularly, it's easier to become, to have a mindset of choosing your thoughts, of, having the mindset that you want in that, in whatever moment. But whenever those, emotional highs or lows come in is really difficult to go to that same spot, to have the awareness of, I'm not feeling great, but I'm going to have this mindset. And I'm just wondering whether there's a connection between, the, uh, regular practice of meditation. And enduring a little, of suffering so that it gives you the, added capacity to have the awareness to get yourself out of a, bad situation.

Blake: 26:51

it's great. There's a lot of valuable stuff to mine right here. and I'll, I want to address a couple things. So one, yes, a hundred percent. The more you practice, the more inner space you access, and that then gives you the capacity to bring that into any situation. So let's say I wasn't meditating and you and I have some kind of tension tense argument or conversation, and you swear at me and call me a name. If I haven't been practicing, I'm likely to fire back at you and get hooked, right, and engage in the same behavior that's coming at me. So I'll start calling you names. I might throw a punch, I might do something, you know, aggressive because I have no inner space between my awareness and the anger or fear or anxiety or whatever is triggered. It's the trauma that gets triggered. Whereas if I've been practicing for a while, you can say something to me that's aggressive mean that would in the past trigger me or hook me into some kind of unconscious and unhealthy behavior. But if I have enough awareness to just take a deep breath and feel my body while I'm observing you or while I'm experiencing what you're saying to me, or the aggressive energy or behavior that's coming at me, and I can choose not to treat you the way you're treating me. If I can choose to be kind or say nothing, instead of being an asshole or being a bitch or being mean or cruel or aggressive, . I start to feel empowered instead of the victim of my circumstances and my environment. And that's where some of the magic really starts to happen. And so a hundred percent, the more you meditate, the more space you have to make choices in the situations that are the hardest to respond mindfully and kindly in. Okay. I would say that over 20 years of practicing daily has given me a superpower where my tolerance for these types of situations sometimes are even too high, you know, to be at peace in chaos. But it is a superpower and it's a skill that then helps you, function well under pressure. Not hurt people, not push them away, not say things you don't mean. I think saying things you don't mean to people around you is one of the biggest forms of self-sabotage personally and professionally. Because if you say something to a coworker or to a lover or to a friend or a family member, you can't take it back. They might forgive you, but you can't take it back. so I think that's one of the biggest reasons to master this, is because a lot of situations like success and love die, I think by a thousand little cuts because you lose control of your thinking and then your words, and you hurt people, and you push people away and you sabotage good situations and turn them into, not ideal situations. So that's part of it. The other thing that's really important is that. Yoga practice, and I teach Qigong as well. So these practices that lead to the capacity to sit in meditation for long periods of time, were always connected to a physical practice like yoga. You know, in the yoga tradition, the idea was that you practice yoga to make the body flexible and to remove blocks in the energy system, in the circulation system, so the body is open and flowing. So when you sit down in meditation, the energy and blood is flowing in the body the same way it would be if you were moving. Your system was opening and flowing. It's the same thinking in Qigong and Tai Chi. And so the Daoist practices when you sit down in meditation, so a lot of times if you're having physical pain when you're meditating, it means a couple things. One is you, your body is asking for some love. So you need not hard, aggressive forms of exercise, but you need some stretching, some walking, some yoga, some swimming, probably a massage, maybe some acupuncture. So your body is, again, remember, what if every symptom is a cry from my body, my soul, subconscious asking for more love, more care, more attention. So if I use that first idea I shared with you. It's my body saying, Hey, I need some love. I need some care. So you need to go and take care of your body in a gentle way, as opposed to weightlifting too much, pushing yourself too hard. So something gentle that's good for your body. That basically opens up the flow of energy, blood, and subconscious emotion in a healthy way, not an aggressive way. So then when you do that on a regular basis and you sit down to meditate, you're gonna have less back pain. Your hip flexors will be more open, so blood and energy can flow through your groin and your hips better. So you can sit for long period, longer periods of time. The other thing that's really relevant is I've also come to learn that a lot of our thinking, like all the thoughts is symptomatic of an addiction to thinking, and the addiction to thinking is for two reasons. One is we're just addicted to thinking 'cause we do it so much. So these neural pathways are used to firing from the moment we wake up. But then we also get addicted to thinking, to avoid feeling. So a lot of our thoughts are symptoms of repressed emotions, right? So if you keep in your feelings and your needs and your desires and your truth on a regular basis, or you have been, and you don't realize it, you're gonna have a lot of discursive, unhealthy thinking, but it's like the ocean, right? We see the waves, but we don't see the depth of the ocean. And the waves are the thoughts. So you're experiencing the rolling thoughts. They just don't stop, right? They just don't stop. And then, but what they are is they're saying, Hey, there's something deep in your body you need to feel and look at. And so a lot of people are familiar with a book now. Like the body keeps the score, right? It's a book has done very well. And the premise is your body is your subconscious mind. So all the emotions, all the needs that you, and all the trauma that you've never healed or processed is stored in your body. And so right when you sit to practice meditation and you're having back pain, that can be emotional energy and often is emotional energy that's stuck in your body. So there's a block in your energy system. So in Chinese medicine, it's your. Energy channels, the meridians that an acupuncturist would, work on in yogic theory, it's your chakras and your nadis. So there are energy channels and energy centers in the body, and emotions get stuck there. So when you're sitting in meditation and you can feel a block or you feel pain in a specific area of your body, again, it's your body screaming, Hey, there are some feelings and some needs in here that are asking for attention and love and care from you because nobody else can do it for you. And so when you meditate, you're coming home to yourself typically for the first time right after a, a lifetime or decades of being lost to yourself, and that's lost in your head, lost people pleasing, lost in fight or flight. So you're focused on everything around you and outside of you to survive instead of being focused on the subtle energy. And the feelings of your physical body and your being, your energy body, so your body's talking to you. And so the key is to listen and not make it wrong, and not be an asshole, right? Not be aggressive to your body and, and say it's doing something it shouldn't be doing. It's talking to you because it needs more love it. It needs more kindness. It needs you to stretch. It needs a massage. It needs a hot bath. It needs you to talk to your therapist. It needs you to process all the things that you haven't been processing for your whole life, or the last chapter.

Codie: 35:02

Yeah. And on a reverse side of that is the overall component of this mental health perspective of suffering. And, you know, your, book you were born not to suffer, it almost seems contradictory to say what the, the generalized idea from what I understand from Buddhism, which is life is suffering, and that when we accept that life is suffering, then we can be free. a lot along with that comes a lot of other idioms that I recall from time to time when I feel like I'm suffering, which I love, uh, Ra Ma Da Sa's, I am loving awareness mantra. there's a quote that is when I step into my misfortune, I stand taller, or having a gratitude of, the realization of, I'm suffering right now. And there's so many billions of people who are, don't exist right now. I actually have the opportunity to suffer. And that is, that can be an amazing thought if, you really even meditate on the fact that you're suffering right now and how many people aren't alive to suffer. There is like a, an amazing feeling that I've felt personally even from having that, awareness. but all of this is a means to even comfort oneself when they're experiencing times in their life when they are suffering. So I, I would love for you to explain the idea that we were born not to suffer.

Blake: 36:27

Absolutely. So. It's funny because when I first published, you were not born to suffer. You know, I would go to these big mind-body, spirit festivals and conferences in Australia, in London, in the us and I'd have to have a booth with a big sign and the sign would say, you were not born to suffer. And people would walk by and they would engage with that phrase so strongly.'cause so many people believe they are born to suffer. Or they would read the phrase as you were born to suffer. They would just, their brain couldn't comprehend the knot. Right? And they would be like, yep, I'm definitely born to suffer. Or you weren't raised as a Christian.'cause I was definitely born to suffer. You I was born in original sin. Or if it was someone who was Jewish, they'd be like, you know, you don't realize like, that's what we're the best at is suffering. So it's a, it engages a lot of people very deeply. I think that if the Buddha was sitting here talking with us, he would agree with the idea that we were not born to suffer. And that idea is not mutually exclusive to the idea of life is suffering. All it's saying is that that's not the end point, right?'cause Buddhism is a philosophy, a practical way of living to accept your suffering and then learn to live in a way where you create less suffering, right? And that's really the key is how do I stop creating additional suffering? So. There is the suffering of being born. You know, I don't know if you've ever heard the Dalai Lama talk about the idea that, like when you come outta your mother's womb, you start to cry and they're suffering just in coming onto the planet. you were cozy, you were tucked in, you know, and now you come out and you're forced into this environment typically with all these sterile fluorescent lights, with all these weird people wearing masks and there's machines and things are beeping, right? And you're like forced out into the world and there's just suffering that comes with coming into the world with being born. And then there's the suffering of. like I played football growing up and I have bad knees, right? From having a big ego and squatting too much weight as a teenager, right? So there's the suffering of your body, aging, you get injuries, and then as you get older, right? When your body and your organ system start to break down, there's the basic suffering to some degree that's natural in the process of life, of aging, and then decay, and then eventually you cease to exist. And obviously there's a lot of different perspectives on how long we can live and how well we can live, and that we don't even need to have as much illness or physical pain as we a lot of people do. But even if, let's say you're a, you live to be 200 and you're in perfect health, there's gonna be suffering that happens in your body anyways. You're gonna experience aches and pains and injuries and et cetera, or get a flu, right? Then there's the suffering that's unavoidable of loss, of losing people you love. So you'll, we will lose parents, we will lose friends, we will lose siblings. We will lose pets. You might lose a child. So there's grandparent. so there's someone we admire in the world. So there's the suffering of loss. So to me, these are the, this is the suffering that's intrinsic to human life, okay? But the, the suffering that I focus on helping bring relief and prevention with people is I think there's this 75%, let's say, a general number of our suffering. It's self-created and it's created because we don't know how to have a healthy relationship to ourself. So I believe that if, when we were little kids, someone taught us how to take care of our mind, someone taught us how to express our emotions in a healthy way. Someone taught us how to use our body in a healthy way instead of an aggressive and destructive way. when someone taught us how to eat healthy food, for example, and avoid things that are full of chemicals toxins and pesticides, that just, all of that alone, we would avoid so much additional suffering that we cause, allow and create for ourselves because we don't have a healthy relationship with our mind, our emotions, and our body. And so that's the level of suffering. I really focus on helping people understand, because that's what's in your power to control. You can't control whether your family members eat healthy or make good decisions. You just can't. we all try, right? You can't rescue or save anybody, so you can't control that people are gonna get sick or age or die or make bad decisions. What is in your control is what you put in your body, what you put on your body, the thoughts you think, what you do with your emotions, and then your own habits on a daily basis. So I help people kind of get really clear. About what's in my power from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to bed, and how do I create the optimal, healthy, loving relationship to myself and habits and choices that reflect that. Does that make sense? As a way of healing, past suffering, and preventing future suffering and enjoying the present.

Codie: 41:36

Yeah, so a little bit like four hour work week there. But, I don't blame you that I understand that as a means, there's always going to be points in our life in which we are suffering. And what you're saying overall is that, that you don't negate that that is a fact, but rather that we end up living much of our lives in a state of suffering. that is self caused and that is mindset and the thoughts that we choose to give energy to, and that that's something within our control, and that's something that we can control and, have power over. And once we see that, then we, we no longer suffer in a way that's so physically and mentally, emotionally draining.

Blake: 42:16

Yeah, exactly.

Codie: 42:18

So in, in relation to to self-love, is there any journey that you've helped coach somebody on, uh, or any story that comes to mind that you were working with somebody and you were able to help them make a change that allowed them to live a life of more self-compassion? anything that comes to mind?

Blake: 42:38

I'll have to think for a moment. you know, I have had the blessing to work with many tens of thousands of people. One-on-one and, many more in groups. so I get the privilege of witnessing this type of transformation all the time. So it's become just nor my normal. Um, it, yeah, and it's a blessing. It's such a, I think when, I think it was when you and I were speaking before we started to record, you were telling me about how much you value. These types of conversations. And I feel the same way. You know, I get to work with people on a daily, weekly basis, and just talk about this stuff that matters and not wear a mask and not play some, you know, BS role, in a company, you know, wearing a hat, trying to be whatever. I just get to be myself and be real and talk about these topics, which is such an honor and such a blessing. And, um, I'm just trying to think. I mean, I have worked with so many people that, just struggle to understand what it means to value themselves or a couple different ways I like to talk about this is, I actually do have someone coming to mind, treat themselves as worthy, you know, and, and that's really what this whole journey is about, right? A lot of us grow up feeling unworthy, unworthy of peace, unworthy of happiness, unworthy of health, unworthy of love. And that's very different than, in the self-help world. You hear like, I deserve this and you deserve this. And I find that that statement and that thinking is actually a little bit misguided because a lot of us live with this entitlement that we don't realize. It's kind of like a, a blind spot. Like, I'm entitled to success, I'm entitled to love. But the the reality is, is that you're actually, you're not entitled to anything. And, maybe you're entitled to suffering. and you would hope that we're entitled to just decency from other people, like kindness and decency. But we don't even get that, right? So the truth is, is you reap what you sow, and so you can only feel worthy. If you treat yourself as worthy and learn how to treat yourself as worthy, which again is that, how do you have this optimal, healthy, loving relationship to yourself? so I have one client that's been coming to mind as we're talking, and this is someone who was put on antidepressants when they were 16 years old, and I met them 16 years later when they were in their early thirties. And as you could imagine, like they were on antidepressants half their life longer than they were off of them actually. And so through our regular conversations, which means. Being able to have a safe place where you talk about your inner world and get everything out. And that's why I would encourage anybody who's listening to find a therapist, find a coach, find a healer if you don't have one, and start talking to someone. And there are a lot of good free online, or not free, but online therapy, apps now where you can find a therapist for very reasonable, if you have health insurance that will cover a therapist. And then if finances are tight, I would say get a journal and write to the universe every day. Or if you believe in a higher power, write to God or your higher power every day. And just start to process what's going on inside of you on a daily basis. So you get out what's stuck in your chest and your head, because if it, you keep it inside, it's gonna make you sick. So, um, you want to get this stuff out. We all need a safe space to process our inner world. And if you feel like you can't afford to pay someone anything to help you with that, then start writing. To God. Start writing To the universe and process. And for example, my book I designed for anybody who couldn't afford to go to a therapist or a retreat or come meet me in person. So I take people through in my book, a process of cleaning out everything that's stuck inside your mind, your heart, your subconscious, your body from childhood until the present. So if you get a chance, pick up a copy of my book. it's not expensive on Kindle. It's not expensive used. I think there's even pirated sites where you can find it for free probably. and go through the practices and get out the stuff that's stuck inside you. That's. We have to do that. So with this person, I became that safe space to process a lifetime of pain, which is why this person went on the antidepressants in the first place. And then over time we slowly brought her off of the antidepressants, but very slow, month by month, slowly reducing the dosage of the antidepressant, while at the same time integrating these new tools and habits of self-love and self-care. And how do I value myself? How do I treat myself as worthy from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to bed with my thoughts, with my habits, with my choices? And over time through the process, she was able to come off of antidepressants completely. After being on them for over 16 years and slowly titrating off them and in the process, learning how to have a healthy relationship to herself, which she had never developed. So this is one of so many thousands of stories like this where I've been able to work with people who have cancer, autoimmune disease, depression, anxiety, A, D, D, all these major common diagnosis, you know, phantom pain and symptoms in their body. And through learning how to process their inner world in a healthy way through learning how to love and value themselves from the moment they wake up and the moment they go to bed. And then also a big part of my work, Cody, is, I don't know if you've ever practiced Qigong, but through my studies in Chinese medicine, I found that Qigong was one of the most effective forms of self-healing on the planet. And so I teach this form where. You go through the whole body starting at the toes and literally unlock every joint. So you go through the toes and the feet and the ankles and the knees and the hips and the spine and your arms and your head and your neck. And literally in Chinese medicine, each joint is a gate through which energy, blood, and emotion, your subconscious flow. So if those gates are closed or clogged, that means the little energy channels and the little blood vessels in that area are not flowing properly. So your system is not functioning right. But if you methodically go through the entire system, logically each time consistently, you basically blow open the blocked little arteries and blood vessels and the blocked little energy channels, and your subconscious starts to flow freely and your blood starts to flow freely. And your chi, your life force, your energy starts to flow freely. And with that, there's all this other stuff that's

Codie: 49:47

or Tai Chi?

Blake: 49:49

What's

Codie: 49:49

Is that? like NSDR or Tai Chi?

Blake: 49:52

So Qigong is considered kind of the, the mother or the grandmother of Qigong. It's like the foundation of it all. And so, yes, there's a lot of similarities, but it's just like the technique I shared with meditation. Not all techniques are created equal, and some are drastically and exponentially more effective. But with meditation, with these practices like a meditative moving practice like a Qigong or a yoga or Tai chi, with shamanism and energy healing, people get really attracted to what seems to be the most fancy, what seems to be the most mysterious, right? And this is kind of like the spiritual ego. Engaged, right? Because whatever we like the idea of dressing up our identity, our ego, our exploration with these things. But that doesn't mean it's the most practical and the most effective. And for me, I was suffering so deeply that I didn't want people to think I was spiritual or cool. I wanted to be free of my suffering. So I went in search of what is gonna give me the most effective, practical, consistent results on a daily basis. And so the meditation technique that I share with people is that, and the Qigong I teach is that, and I've studied many forms of Qigong, and again, this one in particular because it's kind of boring. You go through all the joints, you go from the ground up and you keep doing the same thing on a regular basis. It's just kind of boring and the mind wants something else to focus on, like something fancy, something mysterious, something that looks cool, you know? But when I do this with people consistently, like in a five day retreat, their pain that they've had for years goes away. Someone who, I just had a retreat in Colorado where a woman came and she has like restless leg syndrome and cramping every night. And she has not slept more than two hours in years. She can't remember the last time she slept. After the first night of the retreat doing Qigong, she slept eight hours and slept eight hours every night on a six day retreat, and hadn't done that in years. And that's the combination of processing the things that need to be processed, the meditation, training your mind, and then this practice of Qigong to release the stuff that's stuck inside of your body. so yeah, lots of interesting stories like that. You know, when you, I think the bigger picture, Cody, and I'm sure you resonate with this, is that our body is a miracle and we are a miracle. So for the listeners, you are a miracle and so, you know. Typically, well maybe when we're first born, right? Like our parents look at us and they're like, wow, I just created life. This is a miracle. But then all the stress kicks in and they get the hospital bill and maybe their partner takes off or is drinking too much or whatever, and all the shit hits the fan. The stress kicks in and our parents forget that we were a miracle. And then we never really live feeling, knowing that we are a miracle. But each human is a miracle. I often say our body is like this Ferrari, this like miraculous fine tuned intelligence, but nobody ever teaches us how to drive the thing. Nobody gave us a lesson on, here's your Ferrari and this is how you drive it. This is how you take care of it. And it's a magical, amazing thing. so for the listeners. we are miracles and if we create the right environment and we, we give ourselves the right, sunlight and water and nourishment and the right space, our body and our mind will produce miracles because that's like every function in our biology and our cells and the atoms that make up our body. It's a miracle happening all the time. We're just not aware of it. And so the more we nourish it, support it, take care of it, protect it, the more you're gonna see it through your, you know, something healing in your body that you didn't think could heal you. Feeling grateful for being alive and you have not wanted to be alive. meeting genuine other people with a good heart, right? A kindred spirit. And you think, God, most people suck, but you end up meeting someone amazing and you feel like, you know what? Life is not so bad. but we need to know how to create. the situation to support that, and that's through learning how to love and value yourself practically from the moment you wake up till the moment you go to bed.

Codie: 54:11

Yeah. and that mind body connection, it's so strong and yet so undervalued, as we, always look externally for that source of happiness, whether it's the wanting the car or wanting whatever el else we need on that hedonic treadmill, or we need a drug to make us feel better or we need a person or a social environment. or we need a thing and we're always looking at other things and the source of happiness. I mean, it's so obvious. And yet not thought about as much as it should be, which is it, it comes internally and, I think it's powerful what you're teaching the combination of meditation.

Blake: 54:48

Yeah, so like Tai chi, chi is energy or life force, and then gong is work or discipline or mastery. so yeah, Q gong. And in Korea and Japan, they would call it Qi gong. So chi is pronounced key and then same gong. So it depends on where you are.

Codie: 55:05

And so these are in some ways techniques to. Allow our brain to become more connected to our body. And I'm, curious, as a opposite of that is I often practice a technique that I've written and talked about extensively that, that I refer to as reverse meditation, which is really just sitting down and just exploring my own thoughts. And it's the same thing why we go in the shower every morning and we end up having all these creative ideas that come to us because we're not being externally stimulated by a tv, or a game or other things. It allows us to be present with our mind. And I know with, meditation is that it allows us to be able to have more awareness about our thoughts and to kind of have more of control, so to speak, of, where we, place our mindset and direction. Is there any practice similar to this where you. Actively encourage the subconscious thoughts to come up and then you pursue them if you find them curious.'cause I've had a lot of, personal insights and I've been able to really overcome obstacles simply by having a thought bubble up that's in my subconscious and being curious about it and just exploring that.

Blake: 56:14

Yeah, I think that that's a beautiful practice. a couple things that come to mind are one is. When, you sit down to do a practice, I think the intention is really important. So let's say I, I, if I commit and I say I'm gonna do 10 minutes of kind of mind training where I meditate and I come back to my breathing, my body, I would then commit to doing that. Like, that's the intention of why I'm sitting. But then I would say spending another 10 minutes focusing on your breathing and your body, but letting your mind go wherever it goes. And having this curious, process is a beautiful thing. I think it sounds amazing for me. I do that when I meditate in the morning, you know, just to let my creative process flow and have insights and, sometimes we forget things that we didn't realize we forgot, and all kinds of things come that way. And then you get pure inspiration. And then for me, and I, this might sound like a joke, but it's real for me. One of my favorite things is to go get a coffee and sit outside. Just do nothing except for drink my coffee and think, and often I will process situations, I will have insights, I will have, creative motivations. So I'm a big fan of that too. It's just, I don't think, I think that probably the big message is don't let it be either or. You have to do both. Both are really important. Like, let the mind run. It's like, um, I always say the mind is this amazing tool, like if you think about it, right? The mind created this computer that's allowing us to talk via the internet and wifi. And the mind created beautiful cars and iPhones and an airplane. And, but the mind also created a atomic bomb, right? And guns and poison. And so the mind is such a powerful thing and we want, you want to use it, but it's, are you using the mind or is the mind using you? are you the master or are you the victim? And so that practice of training your mind helps you get out of being a victim. And so to me, nothing can substitute for that. And then to that creates the container. as you meditate and you get more and more present to the awareness that is behind your thoughts and to your body, you then actually create a container inside yourself of unconditional acceptance and unconditional love to heal what needs to come out and heal. But then also, like you said, to create what you're destined to create or your potential, you're, able to create, you're capable of creating if you get all the other gook, right, all the pain and trauma and unconscious stuff out of the way, so you become this vessel. in Qigong philosophy, the idea is to purify and cleanse you're whole body, so it becomes one channel. Between the earth and heaven or the earth and the universe, right? And so the healthier you eat, the more you meditate and take care of your mind. The more you express your emotions and needs on a daily basis, the more you do your inner work and you heal your past pain and trauma, you become a clearer channel, a clearer vessel for whatever the universe or God or life wants to come through you. And so, it's good to be aligned with that process.

Codie: 59:35

Yeah, beautifully said that we have such a short life and we have our mind and our body and we are put in this place in this time. we have a purpose and so often it's difficult to exactly know what that purpose is. But even if we feel compelled towards something, is that we, as you say, have this gunk that often prevents us from living that life of, self-actualization, of becoming the person that, that we know we want to be. And that is, some of the, hardest stuff that I think any human being can work on to get out of their own way and be able to pursue what the universe is telling them that they should be pursuing what their purpose is. So thank you for that.

Blake: 1:00:19

absolutely. I think one of the last things I want to deliver is this idea that I think. our primary purpose is ourselves. Like, nobody ever told me this and I needed to hear it. Like I needed someone to say, Blake, you are your purpose. Like your health, your wellbeing, your mental health, your happiness, your authenticity, your integrity. That is your primary purpose. And then when you're doing that, you, when you love yourself and you're taking care of yourself, then whatever you focus on, whatever work you do, whatever service you do, wherever you put your time and attention is gonna be purposeful because you're in integrity, you're in alignment, and you're in health, right? And often we live in this culture where we think purpose has to be something we do in the world. Some big success, something that, you know, other people can, admire and respect. But in the outer world, but I know you get this, Cody, think about all the people that Were raised in unhealthy homes or around dysfunctional parents, right, who had substance abuse problems or mental health problems, or were abusive, right? And so in my experience, just becoming a good, healthy, functional human being is like the ultimate success for a lot of people. Because a lot of us come from such unconscious, unhealthy, dysfunctional homes and people. So what if that's your situation? And then you go and you make all this money, you become a famous actor. You have fame, fortune, whatever it is. But deep down, you never became a healthy, functional, good person. Well, that's the person that kills themself. That's the person that is addicted to drugs and nothing ever fills the hole. Nothing's ever enough for them. Like think about all the celebrities, you know, all these stories. We know of people who had everything achieved everything, right? Fame, fortune, but something was missing inside. And what was missing inside is that they never learned how to love and value themselves and then give themselves credit for becoming a healthy, functional, good person. So me, that's purpose number one. You are your purpose. And then becoming that healthy, functional, good human, and then anything else becomes a secondary purpose, a byproduct of that. But if you don't get number one, right? It doesn't matter what you do in the world, it doesn't matter what people could think, you are the coolest, the best, the brightest, the most successful. But if inside, I. You don't like yourself, you don't respect yourself, you haven't healed your pain. None of that outer stuff matters. you could have the biggest nonprofit that solves all poverty and hunger in the world and creates free energy. But if you're suffering inside and you don't like yourself and love yourself, and you haven't healed your own pain and your own trauma and the dysfunction you come from, yeah, you may have done a lot of good, right? But you bypassed the first purpose, which is honoring your miracle, right? Your gift taking care of you.

Codie: 1:03:23

beautifully said, sent chills down my spine. and when you were talking about the success, you reminded me of a recent episode of a series on Hulu that recently came out, which is, something similar to like the dark side of comedy. and the first episode is about Chris Farley, who was a cast member on SNL. He struggled with substance abuse and he had this last episode that they gave him because he was addicted to alcohol and he was even on that episode, he was completely drunk. And it seemed that as the success, created more and more pressure. and this is not an uncommon thing apparently for SNL, is that you become successful or you put yourself in this intense situation and then your ego attaches to, well, I'm a comedian on SNL and you have all this stress. there's so much stress that people engage in when they now live a life that they tell themselves that this is who I am, and then they struggle to maintain that and therefore resort to, substance abuse or, other. Negative or bad behaviors. And that's incredibly difficult to maintain that, that sense of self, of who you are and to be okay with that. And I think part of that, which is also, is also difficult is if you obtain the success to have acceptance if, it doesn't work out, uh, and to, not become too attached to that. Um, do you have any, comments on, uh, even attachment? when we obtain a certain success, when our ego becomes the person that we always want it to be, how do we not become too attached that it is the beginning of our downfall?

Blake: 1:04:54

Go back to meditation. if you're meditating every morning and you're getting in touch with just your beingness, so your body, your breath, your presence, you're not gonna be caught up in the momentum, right? Let's say you are, you've worked towards building some kind of worldly success, and that's like an image. Or like you said, like a famous comedian, a famous actor, a famous athlete, a famous, you know, investor, whatever that is, that's all the external, right? And so sometimes these things build momentum. something, a book takes off, an app takes off, a movie takes off, and all of a sudden your life changes. But the key is having a solid connection to your true self, to your center, to understanding how to have a regulated nervous system. And then you, have perspective. So it comes back to not believing everything you think. Not identifying with your thoughts and not identifying with the voices in your head. And then that obviously helps you not get caught up in your ego and your image. And so you can create amazing things in the world, but not let it inflate your thinking to a point where it's unhealthy and self-destructive. And so I'm someone who has gone through a lot of these cycles, and we didn't get into it, but like at the beginning of my journey, I was addicted to drugs and alcohol. As a teenager, I was captain of the varsity football team with two of my closest friends. I had a huge ego. I was a nice person, but thought I was invincible, abusing drugs, getting arrested. I fell asleep in front of train tracks in the middle of the night high on Xanax and alcohol and cannabis. I got arrested, kicked off the football team, lost my offers to play. College football. Completely blew up. My ego, my sense of self had no idea who I was anymore, was so ashamed of myself. So that can switch so quickly, right? Like, the news could put out one piece on you and your reputation gets screwed. Someone can create now like a deep fake video about you and it goes viral and you have no control over that, right? You cannot control it. And some people are gonna believe it and some people aren't. someone can make up a story about you, you know? So you need to have a center, a point of reference. And I love the saying, I dunno if you've ever heard it, that praise and blame are but the same. So through my own suffering, through being attacked, through not having a lot of support at different stages in my life, I learned that. I don't want my sense of self and my inner sense of reference and how I feel about myself to be determined by, if Cody says I'm amazing, or if Cody says I'm a piece of shit, I want to have an honest no BS relationship to myself. So I can look in my eyes when I wake up in the morning and when I'm washing my face at night and like, and respect the person that's looking back at me. And when you have that and you invest in that, it doesn't matter what people think about you, say about you, and then these changing tides of fame and fortune and who's trendy right now, and who's in fashion and what's not in fashion, it doesn't affect how you feel about yourself, right? and who you know yourself to be. That's why that's the number one most important thing, is the self-respect that comes from. Treating yourself well. And then when you do that, you're kind to other people, you're honest to other people, you treat other people well, and then you respect yourself for that too. And nobody can take that away from you. And that's really the most important thing. That's legacy. You know that to me, that's our real legacy.

Codie: 1:08:34

and recently on, Olympics they had Snoop Dogg, you know, getting paid 500k a day to, to be over there. But there, there was something I noticed in every segment that Snoop Dogg was in is just how cool and calm. And, they would ask him questions or he would be in a situation like in, in a swimming pool with, Michael Phelps. And, know, he had no intention or, awareness or anything, any interest in this, but he was just able to make everything just flow so naturally and there was never like any awkward moments. and I think looking at that is, is probably part of what led to his own success is that he's just so, so cool. he accepts himself in such a deep way that he's able to show up authentically every day and every moment that allows him to be so likable. I think. And I think in some ways we should all aim to be more like Snoop Dogg, but I, don't think we need to get high to achieve that. I think that can come naturally from within.

Blake: 1:09:26

Yeah, exactly. I agree a hundred percent.

Codie: 1:09:29

And so, uh, uh, Blake, it's been amazing to have you on. I've really absolutely loved, today's conversation. And, I want to emphasize your core messages from the book. you were born not to suffer, that really each one of us, we hold the power within, to create the transformation that we seek, and it's never too late to start. so if you're inspired by what you heard today, please visit Blake's website at unconditional self-love dot com to learn more about any upcoming events or even his private coaching sessions. So, Blake, once again, thank you for being on the pod. it's been an absolute pleasure to have you with us today.

Blake: 1:10:06

Well, thank you, Cody. It's been a pleasure to be here too. And I, uh, you know, honor the work you're doing. These are really amazing and important conversations.