[00:00:00] Trish: I do believe I have it, a light in my eye because I have love all in me and around me that surrounds me. I was, I did have dead eyes. They were vacant because I believed I was nothing. And unless you've experienced the feeling of being nothing, that's different than having nothing. Feeling a belief that you are, nothing is, can you think of anything worse?

[00:00:27] I can't. I've never experienced anything worse than feeling like I was nothing. So today to know that I connect with people immediately and I try to shine whatever love I have into them and I try to deep whatever love they wanna give to me, into me, and knowing that I've transformed from dead eyes to light eyes.

[00:00:47] The way that you said it, I think is. Powerful.[00:01:00]

[00:01:01] Cody: Welcome to the Mind Hack Podcast, where we explore this ecology of self-improvement and mindset to help you live a happier and more fulfilled life. I'm your host Cody McClain, and today I'm honored to have Trish Kendall. Trish is an inspirational speaker and the founder of Enduring Success Strategies, a company that focuses on relationship development for companies.

[00:01:24] Her journey is one of the most powerful transformations you'll ever hear, taking her from severe childhood trauma and addiction to a life of success, impact, and boundless love. Trish has made it her mission to inspire people to overcome the darkest of obstacles and create an enduring success. Her philosophy is built on five transformative choices.

[00:01:49] Making a first choice, committing to a two-way agreement, building trust, creating community, and embracing love. Today we're going to dive deep [00:02:00] into Trisha's incredible story, the lessons she's learned, and the practical strategies she uses to inspire others to have lasting change of their own. Trish, welcome to the show.

[00:02:11] Trish: Oh, Cody, thank you. I am been so, uh, looking forward to spending this time with you. I'm so glad to be here with you.

[00:02:19] Cody: And so Trish, you've achieved what many would consider the American dream. You have a successful career, a loving family, and the ability to impact thousands of lives. Yet you often begin your story from what you call the bottom of the bottom.

[00:02:37] Can you take us back to that moment and help us understand how your definition of success emerged from there?

[00:02:43] Trish: Oh my gosh. When I am speaking to audiences, I go back to that moment. Every time. And, and it still hits me to this day that, that I'm talking about the same person. You know, that, that is or [00:03:00] was me.

[00:03:00] I was 20 years old and I was a moment away from killing myself through a intentional overdose of crystal meth addiction. And at that point I was nothing. I mean, I had nothing. I had no hope. No school, no job, no friends, no loves, nothing. And um, in a moment my older sister called me, she found where I was squatting.

[00:03:33] Uh, I saw on the old color ID box, if you remember those old color ID box. I saw area code 2 5 4. And I knew that was her in Killeen, Texas. That was the second that I chose to pick up the phone, which, you know, that I speak about is my first choice and [00:04:00] everything the good launched from there. But picking up the phone was the profound choice I made, which was I, I don't want to die.

[00:04:14] I didn't want to die. And so I did. Now of course, there's a lot of things that go on after that. That's when I was 20 and I'm 50 51 now, and I went on a really a 25 year journey. It really took me 25 years and five critical choices that I made throughout those 25 years to reach. The success that I have today, which is the belief and the conviction that I have enduring success, success that nobody can give me and nobody can take away, you know, like nont transitory success, that success that you can hold onto no [00:05:00] matter what.

[00:05:00] Took me a long time to get there. And, but I did, and I made these choices and I had help along the way. Sometimes I took two steps forward and one step backward, but I kept on going.

[00:05:13] Cody: And so you, you describe in your TEDx talk, you went from being able to look in, you looked in the mirror, and you couldn't recognize yourself, not because of what addiction had done to you physically, but because of something deeper.

[00:05:28] Uh, you mentioned something what you call dead eyes where people meet you, they often comment and, and, and today it seems like people meet you and they often comment on the light in your eyes. Um, can you tell us what happened between those, those two mirror moments?

[00:05:43] Trish: Yes. And thank you for pointing that out because I do believe I have a, a light in my eye because I have love all in me and around me that surrounds me.

[00:05:56] Uh, I was, I did have dead eyes. They were vacant, [00:06:00] um, because I believed I was nothing. And unless you've experienced, which I know you have the feeling of being nothing, that's different than having nothing, feeling a belief that you are, nothing is, can you think of anything worse? I can't. I've never experienced anything worse than feeling like I was nothing.

[00:06:32] So today to know, to know that I connect with people immediately and I try to shine whatever love I have into them, and I try to deep whatever love they wanna give to me, into me, and knowing that I've transformed from dead eyes to light eyes the way that you said it, I think is powerful. I don't know, Cody, sometimes I just don't know, like how [00:07:00] did I finally choose to see what was always inside of me?

[00:07:07] And I can't get into the whole, you know, story, but I was in my forties before I truly made a choice to realize that we each have a boundless capacity to love. And I think light is love. That light is love. We have a boundless capacity to give it and to receive it, but I had to embrace it. And once I did, that's when the light shined through authentically, not try, you know, like you know it when somebody is shining and when somebody's just showing up, pretending.

[00:07:52] Mm-hmm . And I probably pretended for a really long time and I don't have to pretend.

[00:07:57] Cody: Yeah. There, there's this Carl Carl [00:08:00] Young quote that I like is that, that we are not what happened to us, we are what we choose to become. And it, it's reminiscent of when I was, when I was a young kid, I, I thought I, I thought I was nothing.

[00:08:11] I thought I would never achieve anything in life. I thought I was stupid. I'd went to a school where I, I was made fun of and I wasn't in any of the AP classes and I felt like I was a, I was the odd cast. And I, I slowly started to question, well, I. What do successful people do? They, they read Forbes, they read ink articles.

[00:08:32] And so I started to read them online and then I saw, what, what do they do? They meditate, they exercise, they, they, they read. And so I slowly started to try to incorporate these habits into my daily routine. And then I remember looking back six months after just reading 30 minutes a day and realized how much more knowledge I have than I had six months ago.

[00:08:53] And it started this slow build of my own internal view of myself. I, I went to [00:09:00] Guatemala and I, I was interested in photography and I took some amazing photographs and I realized like, wait, I can actually be a photographer, but I can actually take good pictures. And then I was, I was questioning, well, you know, what else have I wanted to do?

[00:09:12] I always wanted to, to learn how to fly a plane. So six months later I, I had a pilot's license and I could actually fly planes where I thought I would never be able to do something like that. And it made me realize at this point that there are so many people in this world that grow up without a mentor or advisor or somebody positive in their life that tells them, Hey, you can do it.

[00:09:33] And we set, we see so many people, I'm sure you encountered so often in your team building work, is that it seems there's people that are intelligent, authentic, that have so much to offer this world, but yet they're, they're stuck in this, this, this internal negative cycle where they don't have the confidence in themself.

[00:09:52] Nobody ever told them, Hey, look. Hold your head up high. You can do this, you can do whatever you want to. And it seems [00:10:00] like that's, that's what we lack so often. How did you raise your head? How did you go from, uh, this horrible, uh, abusive scenario, uh, to being able to see, Hey, I can tr I'm Trish. I can, I can do these things.

[00:10:17] I can be a successful person. I can live a happy life.

[00:10:20] Trish: Well, first up, I appreciate you, um, sharing how you did it because it's very similar. There's a reflection aspect of growth and giving us time and space to reflect on when we have created a win, when we have created a moment of success in our lives.

[00:10:43] What was it? How did we do it? And why not apply it now to this next one? You learned that you were a gifted photographer. Why can't I learn how to fly a plane? I can learn how to fly a plane. So I think that there is an element of reflection [00:11:00] that helps to stir and spur growth. For me specifically, you laid it out very nicely at the very beginning.

[00:11:08] I made five critical choices. I didn't know I was making those choice. I mean, I knew I made the choices, but I didn't put them into this five choice framework. You know, until I really reflected on how did I do this? How did I do this? And that's when I, when I, oh, here's what I did. So the, when I picked up the phone when my sister called, yes, that was the first choice.

[00:11:38] That was the most important choice at the time, because it was life or death. But at that moment in time. I didn't know how to live an ordinary life. I mean, I was a full on drug addict. My friends were gang members, drug dealers. I was, you know, hung out [00:12:00] with people that weren't then in prison for murder. I mean, these were, this was a bad scene.

[00:12:08] It was my scene. That's, that's who I was. And so just because I picked up the phone didn't mean that I was going to live a good life. So I didn't have confidence that I could live an ordinary life because I didn't even know what ordinary was. Because of the things that you've experienced as well in your childhood.

[00:12:29] You know, we didn't have someone showing us what a normal family life is or what it means to follow through with a commitment or what it means to have a family dinner. So the second critical choice that I made. My sister had me come live with her and her husband, and there were two young kids, but living with them was conditional.

[00:12:52] I, I had to enter into a two-way agreement with them. It was a near contractual agreement. And I have, and I was [00:13:00] 21 and I have since thought about that agreement and I have carried forward for 25 years. The idea of two-way agreements, because we enter into two-way agreements all the time. The question is, do we commit to it?

[00:13:14] And the agreement between me and my sister had very specific, um, tenants to it. You know, I agreed to, uh, go to AA every week. You know, I agreed to see a counselor. I agreed to participate in family meals three times a a day. I agreed to family meetings on Friday. And then there are things that she agreed to.

[00:13:37] And I tell you that because me, going from where I was to where I'm at. Didn't just take me, it took someone else to choose to care enough to help me. And not by just giving me a place to live, but really help me. Help me experience what boundaries [00:14:00] felt like. Help me experience what a little bit of ordinary, you know, with my little niece and nephew pouring Cheerios in the morning and spilling milk, like is ordinary, is that without somebody erupting and you know, getting, you know, whatever, physically hurt because of it.

[00:14:17] So that is one example. That was the second critical choice I made was committing to a two-way agreement that significantly helped me. My move from where I was to where I'm at, and I've continued on thinking through and executing and committing to two-way agreements today.

[00:14:37] Cody: And, and I think you, you emphasize the, the aspect that you decided to, to answer that phone call.

[00:14:43] And then you also had to then commit to, to, to going, uh, having mentorships and therapy and counseling. And that is a lot of commitments and it's easy to do, fall off, fall off the wagon. Um, I, I know [00:15:00] my, my mother is that she was an alcoholic before she died, and she died because of it. But, uh, I, I remember I try to pour the, pour the liquor down down the sink and, um, she, she would just go out and buy more alcohol.

[00:15:12] And there was a point early in my childhood that I realized that you can't help somebody who doesn't have, have, doesn't want to help themselves. Like e every decision has to be made internally and. You can't really help make that person help themselves unless they have the internal strength and the will to, to persevere.

[00:15:38] And I know so many who have, uh, addictions or negative life scenarios. It seems to be the hardest thing to decide that enough is enough and I'm going to to double down and, and make this change no matter how hard it is. Is there anything in particular that you can remember? What was that, that moment of strength, that ambition, that thought that, [00:16:00] that gave you the strength to even answer the phone call?

[00:16:03] Trish: Oh, well, the strength to answer the phone call it, it truly was a, the way I describe it, I don't know that I would say strength Cody. It, it, it was like a jolt when, when I was ruched down on the dirty. Grimy bathroom floor with a needle positioned in my last vein, and the phone rings and I see three numbers.

[00:16:37] It wasn't strength, it was a jolt, and I still chose to pick up the phone. But had that phone not rang, I would not have reached for the phone to call. And so the strength for me came [00:17:00] afterwards in the little moments of when I lived with my sister. The little moments of choosing to live and picking up the phone was a choice to not die.

[00:17:18] The little moments of choosing to live manifested in. Uh, my little niece and nephew waking me up in the morning and crawling up to my bed and asking me to watch Rugrats and me turning on the TV with them. You know, that was like, I could have said, let me go to sleep, but it was a moment that I chose to live and my sister and I going for walks, you know, in the, like whatever around we, we lived in, her husband was in the military, so we were on the army base going for a walk.[00:18:00]

[00:18:00] I mean, how normal does that sound? It wasn't normal for me. I had no strength and, you know, no physical strength. And I went for a walk that was choosing a moment to live. And what started happening is that what I got back from that started to . Fill those little holes and gaps inside of me that I had used drugs to fill because I started using drugs not to fit in or to party or to have fun.

[00:18:37] You know, I went severe, heavy, and severe very quickly because I had been sexually abused by my dad for seven years. I was a fricking and the only way to deal with the hole that I felt in my heart as a 13-year-old little girl was to stick drugs in my arms, [00:19:00] smoke it, shoot it, whatever. Once I started to experience living, that stuff started filling me up and I wanted more at that.

[00:19:12] And my sister was very smart. She was very smart. She knew what I needed to experience such that I wasn't looking for a fix.

[00:19:27] Cody: No. That, that's powerful. Uh, I, I know raising up in a traumatic background and having parents, let alone if they're not available, or worse of course, if they sexually abuse you, that, that, that seems that I would, I would probably relate that to this, this attachment Yeah.

[00:19:48] Issue, right? Where we're, we're thriving. We, we, we, we crave somebody just to show us that they care. And, uh, being in my own dysfunctional household, uh, [00:20:00] I, I remember there would be the, these instances where I look back at just this little tiny habit that I would develop where if I was sick and I would, I would go to school.

[00:20:08] I, I would, I would try to cough a little bit more. I would try to get somebody, maybe a teacher, maybe a friend to feel sorry for me to say to, to, to show empathy. And I didn't realize I, I would be doing this in these small ways. And this is like a little habit where you might go out of your way to try to be extra hurt as a means of trying to gain empathy for others to fill that lack of love that you didn't receive as a child.

[00:20:36] And, and so my, my advice, something that I've learned is, uh, is that often those who are in the, in the darkest depths of despair, uh, if you were to call them, all they really need and want is somebody to show that, that they care about you. They just need to know that they're not alone. You don't have to solve all their problems.

[00:20:59] But I think [00:21:00] it's having the capacity to, to be there for somebody else. That is one of the most important things that we can do for others. And I know that you've talked about this, this boundless capacity for love, and there was a recent speaking engagement in which the CEO approached you in tears saying that your message completely changed the way that they viewed leadership.

[00:21:22] And I know we're, we're going from, uh, a personal to a more business aspect. And I'd, I would love for you to expand on, on this aspect of this boundless capacity for love, because it seems like you came from a place where there was no love, where you were, where you're craving any form of love. Um, how, how did you manage the shift and what was it that you said to the CEO?

[00:21:47] Trish: Oh, well, I'll tell you what I said to the CEO that I say to everybody. And because you either embrace this and embrace me, you know, or, or, or, or not. Uh. [00:22:00] I believe with my full hurt that we create enduring success for our organizations, for our teams, for our communities, and for ourselves. When we choose to give all of our love, the verb, the action, not love the emotion, which is not a choice.

[00:22:23] Love the action, which is a choice which you just described from an empathy standpoint. So when we choose to give all of our love and when we choose to receive all the love that others want to give us, if we all showed up in every interaction with that choice, giving it all not withholding, and I know there are countless reasons, Cody and I know this.

[00:22:50] We've lived this. There are countless reasons to withhold love. Or maybe let me say that differently. There's countless reasons why we withhold [00:23:00] love. So it's not easy to make the choice to give all, but when we do that is when things change. That is when we can grow together as an organization or as a community, or as a family.

[00:23:19] So that's my message, that's what I said. And the CEO embraced it. I mean, he had me speaking to his workforce. I just left a keynote last week and it never, and I'll, and I'll go back to more about boundless love here in a second, but whenever I'm done delivering a keynote or an intimate workshop, but specifically I wanna talk about when there's a large audience, there's, there's always a line of people that want to speak to me afterwards.

[00:23:48] And what they want is to share. They want a moment to share. And there's like Cody [00:24:00] and I could give you all the statistics.

[00:24:05] Everybody has experienced something in their lives or they have a loved one that has experienced or is experiencing difficulty, challenges, obstacles in their lives. That could be divorce, it could be drug addiction, it could be mental health, it could be abuse, it could be death, it could be bankruptcy, right?

[00:24:29] Can should I like, you know, like it goes on and on and on and on and on. So we each have an experience. It's, it's that most of the time we don't realize or allow ourselves to realize that the other person has an experience too. And so we become. Disconnected as human beings, where if we just show up in the interaction with [00:25:00] the belief that you have an experience and I have an experience, I'm gonna give you love and I'm gonna receive the love you wanna give me, we would just become so much more close.

[00:25:08] So this one person came up to me after the keynote and all he said, and he had tears in his eyes, and he had waited 20 minutes to come and talk to me. And the only thing he said is, I just want you to know that I will keep calling my sister until she chooses to answer. And that's what I say in my speech that my sister said, Trish, I always called you, you just finally chose to answer.

[00:25:39] And here's this man in a corporate audience, in a suit waiting to talk to me for 20 minutes and coming up and, and him being inspired, moved, and sad. I will keep calling my sister until she chooses to answer. I mean, [00:26:00] Cody, that one moment with that person, he chose to give me love by sharing that with me.

[00:26:07] You know what I mean? Like, that's tough, that's hard, that's raw, that's intimate. And he shared that with me. I created a space where this person felt that not only could he share that with me, but he was re-motivated to keep calling his sister. Anyways, I, I probably just went off on a tangent, but it is, that is an example of giving love.

[00:26:32] Well, I got there. How I got from a little girl who lost the ability to love, to the woman who I am now out and inspires the masses to give love. That's the 25 year journey. Uh, but my ability to, I'm gonna actually pause there for a second. Steve, if you wanna chime in with anything before I tell you more of my journey there.

[00:26:57] Cody: No, no. I'd love to For you to [00:27:00] continue.

[00:27:00] Trish: So when I ref, when I reflect from the moment I picked up the phone, which was the first choice, and then the moment I made my fifth choice, which is, and you know, from the TEDx talk, uh, when I chose to step inside the stable with Lily, when I stepped inside the stable, that was the manifestation of giving all my love.

[00:27:25] That's a good 25 years in between. So, but what I learned is, is that each choice I made committing to a two E agreement, building trust, creating community, finally embracing love. But each of those choices expanded my ability to love. Each of those choices helped me experience that someone loved me. At first it was my sister and my niece and nephew when I [00:28:00] built trust, you know?

[00:28:01] And that was my third critical choice, building trust. I learned that the people that I worked with and for actually loved me. You know, like there was, there was empathy and care and love. Now I only received it so much, you know, I would only open myself and give so much. But then my fourth critical choice, when I expanded and created community through the marathon girls that I told a story about, I expanded my ability to give and receive love, but I always thought there was a cap.

[00:28:41] I always thought there was a limit. So probably like you as a young boy and even probably a young man, I was afraid to give it because I didn't 'cause it, because it's like, well, if I, if I give it, will there, will I have anything [00:29:00] left? You know, if I give all the love that I have, what, what's gonna be left for me to feel?

[00:29:08] And what I had to experience is that giving love increases your capacity to love. You know what I mean? Like it, it love begets love. The more you give, the more you have to give. The more you receive, the more you wanna receive. It's this beautiful, escalating experience, and now I embrace it.

[00:29:38] Cody: There's a great book by, uh, social, uh, uh, sociologist or social scientist named Adam Grant called Give and Take.

[00:29:45] Mm-hmm . And it really demonstrates scientifically that when you offer, uh, your yourself or service or, or you, you give to others without any expectation of return, you end up getting, um, a great deal [00:30:00] in return. Uh, not everybody's going to do it, but when you do that, it not only helps you feel better, um, because you're no longer focusing on yourself when you don't, when you focus on others, others have a tendency to give back to you in ways that you can't even dream of.

[00:30:16] And certainly having a capacity to love others with a understanding that everybody has a story, everybody has some, some negative thing going on in their in, in their life. So to, if somebody shows up and maybe they're not in the best of mood, to not assume that they are just a a mean person. Maybe something went on at that day that caused them to be in that mood.

[00:30:42] And so being able to view your perspective of Loving First is one of the most powerful things I think we can do as a human species, especially in a world that is just becoming so, so divided more than ever.

[00:30:56] Trish: Yeah. I I to like now more than [00:31:00] ever, more than ever, the one thing we can control is how we show up in our interaction with another human being.

[00:31:09] Like, I'm sure there's a lot more that we can control, but that is one thing that we absolutely can control. When I, when I, um, am working with teams, big audiences, small audiences, doesn't matter. I always explore, uh, to hear from other people. Examples of giving love, because giving love the verb manifests differently for different people in different circumstances at different times culturally, you know, generationally experience wise.

[00:31:40] And so I love to hear from people and what you just said, something you just said I hear often, which is, uh, giving love is, uh, manifests in giving people the benefit of the doubt. And that's tangible. You know, a lot of times, especially some, sometimes with corporate, um, when I'm working with corporate [00:32:00] audiences, you know, we, we gotta transition from my story to what's tangible and applicable for that workforce.

[00:32:11] And, and once I lay out the environment through my keynote, the environment of giving and receiving and vulnerability and sharing, then we can get into conversation. And so like, there's lots of examples of how love manifests at work at home in our community. Like it's all around us. And back to the reflection thing, I think if we reflect a little bit on the choices that we make, we can do it more.

[00:32:39] So that might be my little shout out is, is reflect on how you give love the verb and it, you know, write it down.

[00:32:49] Cody: Yeah. And, and I, I, I would have a question for you, but I think I'm gonna ask it and answer it and then you can add on to it. Is that, is it if, if we offer [00:33:00] Alma love to others, others can take advantage of that?

[00:33:03] They can take advantage of us, they can use us in ways that are manipulative. Uh, if you're dealing with somebody who has, uh, like Border one personality disorder, you can end up in, uh, a relationship that it just beats you down. And in some ways it can be difficult to exit from these relationships, or if you trust somebody and then they, they screw you and you're let, you're, you're wondering, I mean, how can I ever love somebody else again?

[00:33:33] How can I, uh, how can I trust others? How can I give love to others when I've given it so much? And it's just been taken away from me. And I'm sure you might have a better answer here, but in my experience, having, uh, I mean, uh, having been in a lot of bad relationships, personal and business, is that there is no other option.

[00:33:55] We are, we are in this world to exist [00:34:00] with others, and you can't really go throughout life, never trusting, never loving, never being able to be there for others. If you do it enough, you will find the people who are able to give back their love. In a way that even exceeds the love you've offered and fills you up to a point where you can kind of see the light.

[00:34:25] And I think sometimes we're always, you know, life is always a series of ups and downs. You're gonna have bad people that, uh, for their own reasons of their own trauma that they have yet to resolve. They, they use you in ways that are not, uh, helpful. And ultimately, uh, my my motto is, I, I forgive, but I never forget.

[00:34:49] And there's enough people, there's billions of people in this world. So if somebody does something to you negative, you know, forgive them. Don't hold that because that's, that's, that's draining [00:35:00] on you. But also seek a different relationship. You know, don't go back to that old relationship. Um, and so I, I'm curious if you have any, any answer or thought on that.

[00:35:10] Um, how do you give love

[00:35:13] Trish: Your answer to me is perfect. I can share a story, I can share a story of me trying to help my 14-year-old daughter through things like this that I'll give you this little story. I don't wanna, I think the way you answered it is perfect in my mind and heart. And just like you said at the end, we can choose who we spend our time with, who we invest our time with, who we give our love to.

[00:35:42] Y you know, if we're gonna be in this interaction, I'm going to give love. That love could also be a boundary. And I, I've said to my daughter since she was seven or eight and all the, you know, kid, girl stuff that happens and she, growing up as normal, as normal can be y you know, and normal [00:36:00] also means dealing with normal girl, kid being included, being excluded, being kicked out of a tribe, you know, the whole thing.

[00:36:07] And I've said to her for years, reflect on how you feel. When you are with the people you're with, and if it's at night, if you wanna journal it, if you just wanna think about it. And like, since she was seven and, and what I've said to her, which is super simple, every is, is, is your glass half full or does your glass feel half empty?

[00:36:32] And just reflect on it. And then you get to choose who, who you spend time with. And there you go. You know what she does now? She's 14, almost 15. And so she's really taken that to heart. And she says to me, she's like, mom, I know when I'm with so and so and so and so, I'm really filled up and I really don't have a lot of time in my day with homework and sports and everything.

[00:36:55] So. I'm really not gonna spend time with so and so, so whatever. That's a [00:37:00] very, uh, you know, normal, minimal example. But guess what? There's a whole bunch of people in our lives that are living a very normal and minimal life, and they get to choose who they spend their time with. But we must always give and receive love when we're in the interaction

[00:37:18] Cody: on the definition of success, there is a photo on your website of you sitting on your front porch drinking coffee on a regular Tuesday, and you've called this image of success more meaningful than any achievement or accolade.

[00:37:36] I'm wondering, what do you see in that ordinary moment that others might be missing?

[00:37:41] Trish: Well, I find the ordinary quite extraordinary, and it goes all the way back to I didn't know how to live an ordinary life, and I had no confidence that I could. I learned, [00:38:00] well, let me change that. I found joy in the ordinary.

[00:38:05] So there are plenty of times, Cody, that I lose sight of that 100%. You know, in the chaos of life, in business, ups and downs, in in parenting, ups and downs in my health journey, ups and downs. But when I choose to be in the moment and realize what I have created, I am moved by the extraordinary aspect of the ordinary life that I have created and like, what else could I possibly want?

[00:38:52] You know, the safety, the love, commitment. Joy, hope, comfort struggles, [00:39:00] but struggles within a, within a environment that I can figure it out, you know? And so sitting with my coffee, which by the way, I'm a huge coffee drinker, so addiction, I, I have love my morning coffee. It is such a joy to me. So sitting with the coffee and just being in the moment and in a place with my heart and mind that I can appreciate the extraordinary aspect of that.

[00:39:35] I hope I have many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many more Tuesday mornings that are just like that.

[00:39:41] Cody: Yeah. It's so as somebody who went through my own version of, of, right, you, you come from nothing, and then all of a sudden, I, I sell multiple companies. And a story that I often go back to is when I, I sold my first company and the CEO was shaking my hand, asking me how it [00:40:00] felt.

[00:40:00] And I was like, yeah, I, I feel okay. And in my head, I was still just thinking of all the things that we had to do on that checklist in order for me to hand hand the keys over. And when I got back home, I, I mean, I, I went on Amazon and, you know, I, I bought my, my apartment had nothing. So I started just buying a bunch of art and, and a big TV and an Xbox and all these, these nice things.

[00:40:22] And looking back at it is, I never really gave myself, I never really had like a reflection moment where I was like, wow, I've come so, so long From, from where I was. I never thought I would be here. I never really had this internal sense of achievement. Of gratitude. And I think so often now we're in this, this achievement trap where it's, it's actually one of my next episodes that I, I recorded doing a solo episode.

[00:40:49] And, uh, it's on this aspect where . We work so hard to achieve this thing, we climb that top of the mountain and then we realize that, that it's empty, [00:41:00] that the, the destination was the journey. And we don't have the capacity to really feel that sense of gratitude when we're on that journey. Um, is that something that you've at all experienced or have advice for?

[00:41:15] Uh, how do we avoid this feeling of emptiness? How can we try to appreciate where we are, um, more so than where we hope to be?

[00:41:26] Trish: I think it's the moments of, um, being present. Being present in the moment and realizing what you've created because you, 'cause we each create what we have and being present, being in the moment, huge believer on reflection.

[00:41:46] However that manifests, that, that could be writing something down. It could just be during meditating. I don't meditate, but you know, it could be when you're working out or you're running, uh, reflecting. And then I don't, like, I don't [00:42:00] want this to be like, this is, this is my only answer, but my strongest answer is always, if, if we're cognizant of our choice when we are with someone, if we're cognizant that we are giving the love that we have, maybe that means we're listening.

[00:42:22] You know, maybe that means we're giving the benefit of the doubt. Maybe that means we're holding someone's hand in silence because they're grieving. Maybe that means we've picked up the phone and, you know, and called, you know, someone that we haven't talked to in a long time. Maybe that means we're calling versus texting.

[00:42:38] Those are, those are all actions of love. And so if we just allow ourselves. To realize that that's an action and a choice, and you made it be in the moment with that 'cause I, I think that, I think it's incredibly hard not to get sucked [00:43:00] into the toughness of the challenge of the journey, you know, or, or that achievement trap.

[00:43:06] I love the way that you put that, you know, oh my gosh, I gotta achieve this. Oh my gosh, I gotta achieve that. For me, I'm like, just let me have a meaningful moment. And if I can have and create through my actions more meaningful moments than not, then I am focused more on the journey than the destination.

[00:43:31] Sometimes I don't do that, but I catch myself on it. And when I catch myself on it, that's when I feel filled up. You know it, you know, when. You are making those choices that matter. So just like fly yourself, feel it.

[00:43:51] Cody: Yeah. And I, I, I love this this thought experiment where, say, say you're with your, you, you can give your loved one, uh, one of two options [00:44:00] where you can, you can be with them it for, for say a whole day, but you're gonna be on, partially on your phone or doing some work.

[00:44:09] Or you can be with them for one hour and just pure presence. You know, they're gonna, they're gonna choose the one hour every single time. And so the importance is on the intention, who are you supposed to be right now? A mother, a father, a, a a c, EO. What is the intention? What is the most effective thing that you can do?

[00:44:29] And to, to show up and to realize that, that every moment you're, you're showing up for, for somebody, maybe that's just yourself, but you're showing up for somebody to, to have a certain intention. The most important thing we can do is to, to understand that and bring that into our awareness.

[00:44:45] Trish: Yep. I to I totally agree with you.

[00:44:48] And Oh my gosh. I mean, an hour being completely present with someone for an hour, that is a [00:45:00] deliberate choice and not easy. 'cause you could spend an hour with someone and your brain is everywhere except with that person. Right. I, i, I mean it, so it's probably, it's, it is actually probably a mental and emotional workout to stay present with that person, whether it's yourself or someone else to experience that.

[00:45:27] And man, I, I mean, I need to do that more, you know, it's just because I know that that matters. And I know, and this goes back to what you're saying about Adam Grant. Uh. When I give that way, I get, and I'm not doing it to get, but I do, I get so much in return when I give of myself that way.

[00:45:51] Cody: Yeah. And, and recently you received a letter from someone who heard you speak three years ago.

[00:45:57] They, they kept it in their wallet that [00:46:00] entire time and they would reread that during tough moments. Uh, what do you think makes your message stick with people long after the applause has faded?

[00:46:12] Trish: That we are all humans with an innate capacity to give and receive love. They there you can't question that we each know that we know we are meant to love.

[00:46:34] And what makes me so credible? Is that I've created the success I have in my life by not traditional credentials, you know, that makes me so credible, is that I've created this enduring success by choosing the one thing that every single person can choose to love. Everybody [00:47:00] can, everybody has the power to do it.

[00:47:02] There's no discrimination, there's no generational gap, there's no education gap, there's no circumstance gap. We each have the power to make that choice, and that's what resonates with people because they can walk away and choose immediately if they're gonna do it or not.

[00:47:22] Cody: Yeah. And there's also this aspect of, of giving back, right?

[00:47:26] Is having an impact on others. Uh, do you still feel anything from when you, when somebody comes up to you and say, says they at date re reread a letter in their pocket? Or that you've had an impact on them. Um, how much of that would you say drives your, your current, like, ambition of, of wanting to give back?

[00:47:49] Trish: Yeah. I, I rave those moments. There are plenty of times that I get hung up on the rat race. [00:48:00] It's a business. I am running a business, right? So you, you have to run this business and get more keynotes and get more workshops and work with more teams. And one day write a book and, and do this content and do the videos and oh my gosh, I gotta do all this.

[00:48:18] Am I doing enough? Am I doing the right things? Like all of that. And when, um, when one person. Put, you know, sends me an email, waits to talk to me after a speech. She finds me on LinkedIn. You know, sometimes it's out of the blue that, that I did talk to somebody, but they found me. And when I get those messages, that fills me up so much.

[00:48:45] And that is what motivates me to keep on keeping on. And it matters more than anything. Uh, so I crave those moments. I crave them, and, and it, [00:49:00] it very much, um, helps validate my decision to move away from my traditional business development work that I did for a really long time. And I made incredible, I had an incredible career doing that.

[00:49:16] And, and I think to myself, you know, I helped people but I didn't help people. And now I feel like. I can change people's lives, and I think I do.

[00:49:34] Cody: Yeah. And, and, uh, I, I know that the, the number one job that I, I believe right now, gen Z would say, if you asked them what do you wanna be when you grow up? They wanna be an influencer.

[00:49:47] But I know say, uh, six, seven years ago, uh, the number one was to be an inspirational speaker. And it seems like you, you kind of feel that, it seems like [00:50:00] you, you get up there, you speak, you spoken in front of just thousands and thousands of people and Ted and conferences, et cetera. How, how did you get to this point where you first developed your ability to speak, you developed your confidence to speak in front of a large audience and.

[00:50:19] Then you start getting huge commission fees, I presume, from companies who pay you to speak at their events. That seems like that, that, I know it's, it's stressful with all the traveling and having to balance that, but I know that there's so many, uh, even including myself, that see that as kind of like a dream.

[00:50:35] Well, I love advice. Would you give I

[00:50:37] Trish: love all of it. I love traveling. I, two weeks ago I was, I was, uh, east coast, west coast, east coast in a week and, and I was texting my husband going, I'm so tired and I'm so happy, you know, so, no, I love it. Um, and I also get time to be home. So I've been [00:51:00] home all week and I've been picking up my kids and I get to pick up Sammy from the bus stop.

[00:51:04] So like I balance it in whatever way I do. Uh, I became a professional speaker five years ago, meaning my business is, I get paid. To speak to large audiences, medium audiences, small audiences. I also help clients create personal and team development, leadership development. It, it's all an offshoot from what we're talking about right now.

[00:51:33] But if my keynote, you know, includes the five choices, you could see how that can lead to working with teams on, well how do you build trust? You know, well how do you create community? So, you know, so then I work with clients on things after that, leading up to making up my business. Five years ago, I have been a speaker, I'm not gonna say professional speaker 'cause I didn't get paid to speak, but in my [00:52:00] professional world, I would speak at conferences, I would speak in boardrooms, I would do internal training, and I, I always had the desire.

[00:52:14] To be an incredible speaker. And then along the way, I had help for, with the employers that I worked with, they would give me, get me speaking coaches. Uh, so if I represented my company at a conference speaking to our clients, well, I had a, like, show up. Well, he pray I had to be an effective, skilled speaker.

[00:52:39] So I had help doing all of that. But then when I decided to make this my business, that's something else because you're right. I mean, you were creating a product, a brand, and you are the brand, you're the product. And that product is [00:53:00] a keynote. But the product is an, the, the product is ev for me, evoking an emotion amongst an audience and creating a conviction.

[00:53:13] That's what I'm being hired to do. So you gotta have your shit together, your shit together to do that. I constructed my inspirational story on my own with my husband. He's an incredible writer. So I constructed the inspirational story and I started giving it to some nonprofits, which is really great because, you know, it's, it's, I didn't, you know, I wasn't charging for it.

[00:53:43] It was a great way to practice. It was a great way for me to figure out how to put it all together. And then once I knew, I pretty much had a sellable, a sellable product. I [00:54:00] hired, um, my, my speaking coach, he's still my speaking coach, Dick Morgan. Public words, and he helped me really, really create, as he calls it, a kickass speech.

[00:54:13] He really helped me with the physicality of it. We didn't change much to the structure of my signature speech. Since then, I now have five signature speeches. Um, he coached me on my TED talk, so the physicality of that talk, the movement of that talk. So I've had professional help, just like, you know, just like if you're a business owner and you're gonna hire somebody to help you with marketing.

[00:54:39] I hired somebody to do all my creative branding, Trish Kendall, choose and become, you know, with the heart and the lightning bulb. That's not me. I wouldn't have figure that out. That is me. I wouldn't have been creative enough to figure out how to put that into a picture. Uh, so I did all the things that, you know, business owners do, hire the smart [00:55:00] people.

[00:55:00] And then, um, I'm a seller at heart. You know, I've had a almost 30 year career in business development, and I believe that. Uh, my success as a seller is because I'm maniacally focused on creating enduring relationships and those relationships then can manifest in working together. And so I, you know, I probably spend more time selling than I do delivering keynotes.

[00:55:33] 'cause it's, 'cause it's never, 'cause you're never done, you there, you're never done nurturing relationships and finding another opportunity and, you know, so, so I spend a ton of time on all that.

[00:55:45] Cody: Was there anything specific that, uh, say, say when you first developed your speech and say you did this on your own, you started working with nonprofits.

[00:55:53] Did you, did you go around, uh, doing talks for free and then you had to pay for your own travel? Um, what [00:56:00] was like this transition? Or, or did, did the person who helped you develop your brand, were they also somebody that was able to kind of act as like an agent so that they were able to help you decide, say how much you should charge?

[00:56:12] Uh, because that seems to be a really difficult, uh, swift or switch going from, uh, giving say talks for free to having the confidence to charge for something. And this is not just for speaking, this is for any kind of online creators. It's like if you're selling online digital content. It seems to be very difficult to sell something online unless you're somebody who just has no ethics or morals of any, any regard is that you, you sell something, but what often holds people back is the fear that what they're offering or what they're selling is not going to help people.

[00:56:44] It's not, it's not good enough.

[00:56:46] Trish: Ah, yeah. So how about this? If dead over that fear or find something that is going to help them, I have such conviction that I change [00:57:00] the li not all the lives, but I change lives. My conviction is so strong. I know what I deliver and I know the value of that. Uh, when I first was sharing my story, let's say sharing my story, and I did it for free for some nonprofit organizations, it was a very short amount of time, and it was a part of my plan.

[00:57:26] To be like, I wanna hone in what the story is, what the construct is, what the transitions are, how this flows. And so I sought after organizations that were meaningful to me. So the first speech that I ever gave was for the American Association of University Women. And, and that's the first time that I delivered, like the full structure of what I would say my first sign.

[00:57:51] My, my v one signature speech was, I knew though that w that was a short stage [00:58:00] in my business plan. So I all, I entered into this business knowing that, uh, I was going to be paid for delivering, moving the audience. 'cause what I'm delivering is moving the audience from what they believe today. To what they need to believe in order to create enduring success for the organization, for communities, for Families, and gave, give them a pathway there.

[00:58:29] So I know the value to that, how I priced it, I absolutely got help with that. So Nick is one person. He helped me think through the pricing and you know, and there's a spectrum just like everything, there's a spectrum of pricing. And for me, I landed on the price that felt good for me, that kept me in a certain, um, you know, like a certain brand, you know, like I compete, you know, with [00:59:00] certain people.

[00:59:00] And so I knew I needed to be at, at a certain level. And then two, probably two years after I launched the business launched, um, enduring Success, I started working with two speaker bureaus and I work with a PB in Boston and I work with GDA in Dallas. And that took a long time. You. To make that happen. Uh, the majority of my speeches though, are through my direct selling.

[00:59:26] They're through my direct relationships, people that I know or that I've met or that I want to meet. So the agencies are supplemental. Um, I don't think any speaker should think or believe that agencies are gonna make their business 'cause that's not how it works. Um, and I just said to myself a couple weeks ago, you know, I should probably charge a little more.

[00:59:53] Oops. I did say that. I did say that. I was like, I should adjust now. [01:00:00] Uh, but you know, that's just a part of the business plan.

[01:00:05] Cody: And as, as we wrap up today's conversation, where would you, if, if somebody's interested in hearing more what you have to say, uh, where should they go? Oh,

[01:00:13] Trish: you're awesome. Thank you, Cody.

[01:00:14] You can. Go directly to my inspirational website, which is trish kendall.com. If you wanna learn more about how I work with teams and leadership teams, uh, my macro website is enduring success.com. Of course, you can find me on LinkedIn. That's always the best way, Trish Kendall on LinkedIn, and I will get better.

[01:00:38] I will get better at TikTok soon.

[01:00:42] Cody: Yeah. But, but I want to take a moment and just acknowledge the, the profound impact and the research that I've done, that I've done myself. It is seen the impact that you've had on others, and it seems you've come a long way [01:01:00] from the, from those dead eyes in the mirror to becoming someone who just radiates such light and hope.

[01:01:08] It's, it's more than inspiring. It's, it's really, it's a testament. To the power of those five choices that you talked about. And before we say goodbye, I have one final question. What would you say to someone listening right now who might be looking in the mirror and seeing those same dead eyes you once saw,

[01:01:28] Trish: pick up the phone when they call?

[01:01:31] That might be an actual phone call. It might be a knock at the door. It might be someone reaching out their hand to touch you. Pick up the phone.

[01:01:39] Cody: Thank you so much, Trish.

[01:01:41] Trish: Cody, thank you. Oh my gosh. I wanna spend more time with you. We will figure it out somehow. Thank you for allowing me to be along your journey.

[01:01:49] I.

[01:01:52] Cody: Hey guys, this is Cody again. I hope you enjoyed that episode of Mind Hack, and if you're interested in getting more mind hack worthy stuff straight [01:02:00] to your inbox, then you might consider signing up for my weekly newsletter. It often contains links to new episodes, blog posts, and other interesting finds I found on the in interweb in the past week.

[01:02:10] It pretty much focuses around productivity and efficiency. So if that's your thing, then be sure to visit my website@codymcclain.com. That's MCAI n.com to sign up. Also, if there are any interesting websites, companies, books, blog posts, quotes, or anything else that was mentioned in this episode, you can find it all in more by visiting the official website for the Mind Hack show@mindhack.com.

[01:02:38] And as always, if you have any feedback, good or bad, I want to hear it. Send me a tweet, email or what have you on either of my websites, as my goal with this show is to give you the maximum value in the shortest amount of time. That's all for now, guys. Thanks again for listening, and I'll catch you guys again [01:03:00] soon.

inspirational stories

#081 Trish Kendall: How to Overcome Addiction and Create Success

🧠Discover New Insights!

Thank you!